Ye Olde Silver Lining

As a public service to myself, I thought I’d assemble in one coherent little speech the benefits I’ve observed thus far from giving up cigarettes.

It goes without saying, of course, that the health benefits are plentiful. (Contrary to what nonsmokers believe, smokers are not ignorant in this regard. Many of us have deep-seated, very complex motivations for continuing to smoke in the face of all the evidence.) Anyway, so let’s skip the physical aspects and get right to the rest.

1. I no longer worry about running out of cigarettes which, extrapolated, means I no longer worry about stopping to buy them on the way to an engagement. (Corollary: I don’t worry about having to stop on the way HOME either.)

2. When I arrive at a restaurant, I no longer immediately scope out all possible smoking venues. (Corollary: I also don’t have to pre-plan the timing between cocktails at the bar and being seated at the table, nor how I’m going to politely excuse myself after dinner to duck outside.)

3. Not smoking opens up the dating pool by wide margins.

4. In public, when I’m sitting next to a stranger, I don’t have to worry about offending him or her with the scent (stench?) of cigarettes from my clothes. (Although, let the record show I’ve always LOVED the smell of smoke—stale or otherwise. Even an overloaded ashtray doesn’t gross me out.)

5. I don’t have to feel like the marginalized second-class citizen California has made smokers into.

6. By not purchasing cigarettes, I can save enough money to pay for an additional week-long vacation per year.

7. In order to keep my mind off smoking, I busy myself with chores around the house I may have ignored before.

8. It’s a fascinating lesson in proving to myself that I can be modestly successful at something I didn’t think I could achieve at all.

9. I'm allowed to have cosmetic surgery. (Just sayin.’)

Having listed the above, here’s what I miss about smoking:

EVERYTHING.