Thursday, January 15, 2009

Signs I'm Over-analyzing

If it were humanly feasible (and it probably is, I just haven’t tried hard enough), I would eat from the moment I woke up in the morning till the moment I laid my head on the pillow at night.

No bullshit.

Moreover, in a perfect world, I’d consume nothing but junk food—a lifetime smorgasbord of nachos, fries, chex mix, and cashews, minute by minute, hour by hour.

Of course, I’d be as big as a modern-day zeppelin, and my arteries would need a case of Liquid Plummer, which is why, alas, I restrain myself. Yes folks, I do. Every day of my life, I count calories, I eat Lean Cuisines, I skip meals—I DEPRIVE myself.

But at least with the whole food thing, there’s no saying: “I will NEVER eat again.”

Unlike with the whole smoking thing.

Knowing the difference makes quitting a lot tougher.

I mean, no matter what—I’ll ALWAYS be able to eat another donut. Eventually...even if it’s far off in the future.

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