Bad News

I don’t know how or why anyone ruins the start of a perfectly nice day by reading the newspaper. First, who has the time?

Me, I roll out of bed, shave, shower and shine (well, maybe not the shave part) and zoom out the door, all without even traipsing downstairs. No coffee, no breakfast and, most importantly, no newspaper.

Nah, I save catching up on the latest doom and gloom for lunchtime.

Now, I stopped going out for lunch a long time ago. Too many calories, too many dollars, too much hustle and bustle getting in and out of cars, fighting over where to go…give me the peace and quiet of my desk and the latest version of nukable diet food, and I’m happy.

Then I start reading.

I’m telling you, between the geopolitical hotspots, the natural disasters (not to mention the manmade ones), and the old fashioned murder and mayhem…is it any wonder that by twelve fifteen I start envisioning myself on a small tropical island? With no cable? No Internet access?

I’m not lying. The only good news in Part One of the L.A. Times today is a report of progress on a vaccine for the Marburg and Ebola viruses. Yippee.

Part Two is more of the same, only closer to home.

Finally, I get a reprieve with the Sports Section. Tonight is Shaq’s last chance to make the NBA finals. Now, that’s something to smile about.

No chance of good news in the Business Section, so I mostly skip it.

At last, I reach the Calendar Section, which is the L.A. Times version of life and entertainment. One would be hard pressed to come up with bad news for the front page of that section, right? Wrong. While I feel pretty neutral about Tom Cruise’s mercurial personality of late, I’m sure the article about Bob Geldof’s efforts to relieve suffering in Africa can be tossed in the bad news slot.

Meanwhile, the TV drones on in the background, updating all the bad news stories I’m digesting along with the South Beach Diet turkey wrap.

It’s enough to make it all come back up.