...or how to distract yourself when you really should be writing.
Last night I was browsing some of my favorite blogs and dropped in on literary agent Nadia Cornier's. Nadia represents YA (Young Adult) authors and also happens to be very down to earth. Would love to have her as my agent (well, I'd love to have anyone as my agent--within reason) but, like I say, she's into YA and I'm not.
Anyway, she invited blog droppees to submit truly terrible query letters and the winner gets a 3-chapter critique from her.
After reading the 45 already posted, I just had to try my hand, so here's what I wrote (keep in mind, I ommitted some of the obvious stuff that other people had already used).
Dear Deirdre,
Ever wonder what would happen if a teenage space alien girl with weight issues got involved with a lying sack of shit mortal male who slept with all her friends?
Me too, since I haven’t actually finished writing the book. But the idea’s got “high concept” written all over it, doncha think?
And here’s the best part: the heroine’s name is Leai Jones and she’s honest-to-goodness space age royalty so...yep, you guessed it: the title’s The Princess Jones’ Diaries. It’s a no-brainer when you think about it.
Like I say, I haven’t quite gotten around to finishing it, but I’ve got three really, really, well-polished chapters...because. after all, if you and the 1000 other agents on my A-list turn it down, what’s the use of actually writing the book? From what I hear, my contest wins are ample proof for the IRS that this whole writing gig is more than a hobby.
By the way, I’ve run it by my fifteen on-line critique groups and they hardly had any corrections to make so I know it’s really good. (Well, I’m fibbing a bit—several thought I needed more leather and lace—if you know what I mean—but I’m saving that stuff for my other pen name, Feather La Flame.)
I’ll be following this query up with a phone call so we can set a date to meet and discuss all the publishing houses you’d like to submit to. And let me just assure you, I’m no literary snob. Big house, little house, epub, vanity press—I don’t really care as long as I get published.
Love,
Writerwannabe
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5 comments:
I love it!
Too funny.
Couldn't help myself: Feel free to kill it if you can't stand it.
Dear Deirdre,
I've been trying to write this young adult novel with the guy's and girl's perspectives alternating. What I need is a girl to fill in the girl parts while I fill in the guy parts.
I've written three chapters of guy parts, where I'm like doing it, er the hero is like doing it and then the girl gets to share what it was like to get it done to her. That's where you come in. (pun intended) You can take what I wrote in fill in the girl parts and send to someone who buys this stuff. Since you read lots of stories and are a girl, this should be easy for you.
I want to call the book "Dick in Jane" kind of a play on childhood sweethearts that lots of readers can relate to.
Anyway, I'll send you more, you write in your part and we get half of the earnings each, less your postage or whatever.
And if you want to meet and discuss stuff like technique, I'd be happy to oblidge you. What do you say?
50-50 Splitter
Exxxxxxxxxxxcellent. I see you "get" the concept!
Yeah, I'm good at writing bad query letters. This probably isn't my worst one, and in the others I was actually trying.
Omg - What a hoot. I wish you had posted that one... although it wouldn't have one (It's too good to be bad!!!). :)
Drop me an email, ok?
Dia
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