Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A Sign Of My Time

Those of you who've been with me for awhile will recall that the run-up to a vacation involves the usual commitment to lose 5, 10, whatever, pounds prior to The Date.

Well, guess what?

These days, I've got bigger fish to fry. I don't want a new body by October, I want a new face. Especially new eyes.

Don't laugh.

When I get up in the morning, they're mere SLITS. Hardly able to perform the function they're designed for--mainly, SEEING. In fact, if I worked it right, I might be able to get insurance to cover it as a medical necessity. Hey, worth a shot, right?

Yeah, I've been doing all the research. Checking websites, consulting friends. You know the drill. The problem with referrals is that you end up insulting the friend if you don't go with their doctor. What? You're not using Dr. Made-My-Face-Perfect? How could you be so stupid? Are you saying I don't look fabulous?

No, no, no. I'm not saying that at all (well, not in most cases). Maybe he's geographically undesirable. Maybe he's too old. Maybe he leaves me cold.

Maybe I just really don't wanna do this!

Ya think I could get away with wearing glasses 24-7 from now on? Oh, and thick, heavy scarves for my neck?

Yeah, that should work well for the Caribbean.

I'm so screwed.

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