Wednesday, July 13, 2005

HEADLINE: Mariah Carey's Clothes Fall Off

Apparently, the pop diva experienced a wardrobe malfunction in Germany the other day, and it must be true because I saw it on the Drudge Report.

So what’s up with female celebrities and their faulty clothes? Tara, Janet, and now Mariah—don’t they have stylists? Don’t they have wardrobe assistants? Don’t they have duct tape? And how come it’s always their boobs that are getting exposed? (Come to think of it, thank God.) Ladies, please take a lesson from a pro: Remember J.Lo’s green Grammy dress? Nary a nipple!

I searched my memory and couldn’t come up with a single public incident in which I inadvertently exposed myself (and, as y’all know, I’ve made some fashion mistakes). But not one episode where a strap slipped, a bustier got ripped, or—as in Ms. Carey’s case—my clothes fell off.

At least the current debacle occurred in Germany—I don’t think America could take another national ta-ta exhibition. In fact, I’m proposing a new comprehensive insurance program for female celebrities. Oh, not to protect them or their careers. I’m talking about protecting us from additional censorship. I say, let’s call it the National Insurance Pact (NIP for short). Each year, we all contribute $1 to an interest bearing escrow account. Then, whenever a female celebrity slips the TV viewing public more skin than it can stand, in exchange for leering the other way, Michael Powell (or whoever runs the FCC at the moment) gets to use the cash for an all-expenses paid, year-long vacation to the Club Med of his choice.



2 comments:

John said...

I detect some issues between the lines. Am glad you can safely say you have kept yourself safe from exposure. Actually witnessed a wardrobe malfunction at work in a large staff meeting. No one said a word until the misplaced body part was safely tucked back in. Then, conversation resumed as if nothing happened. No one ever referred to it again. It was really, really, wierd. (and pre-superbowl stupid)

Carol Burnside aka Annie Rayburn said...

ROFL!

Thanks, Randy. I needed a laugh.