Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Halloween's Around the Corner...

...do you know where your costume is?

Feel free to plagiarize some of my previous ideas since I won’t be repeating.

1. Take two kitchen-sized trash bags (the only size that’s white), put one inside the other (also known as providing a lining), then cut two holes for your legs. Step inside, pull above your boobs and tie the yellow tapes together for that come hither, strapless look. Add drippy rhinestone earrings, long gloves, stockings and stilettos. Voila. Rich White Trash. (Be forewarned—wearing two trash bags can result in a sweaty midsection, not to mention raised eyebrows.)

2. Take the sluttiest dress you have. (Come on, we all have at least one, don’t we?) At the local costume shop, buy yourself a cheap (preferably cardboard) tiara, scepter, sash, whorey-looking wig, and iron-on letters. Spell out MISS-BEHAVING on sash. Voila. Beauty Queen Gone Bad.

3. This time, take your sluttiest black skirt and throw on that whorey-looking wig again. Add your sexiest bustier bra and high-heeled boots. Stick a small British flag down inside the top of one boot (so the banner is next to your knee). Buy a couple of spears (like if you were going as a hunter). Voila. Britkneespears. Oh, I really cracked myself up with that one.

Naturally, this year’s idea won’t be unveiled until the big night…but suffice to say it involves the participation of and reliance on two other people. If they crap out, Plan B is already in the works.

I’ll bet y’all just can’t WAIT for pictures, huh?

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