…turn those clocks ahead! Oh, hallelujah—I thought Winter would never end. But finally: bunnies are hopping, birds are swooping, butterflies are flitting, poppies are blooming…and…and…
the Victoria’s Secret Catalogs are BURSTING with beach fashions! A sure sign that Summer can’t be far behind!
So, why aren’t I feeling zippier? I’ll tell you why. The world is such a sad, sad, place. I mean, can’t we all just get along?
I wasn’t going to blog about Terri Schiavo. In fact, I’d pretty much decided to avoid anything of a political nature. Plus, I haven’t read extensively on the subject. But, I thought a lot about it after CNN announced her passing this morning, and I decided, what the hell. Here’s my two cents (well, make it four—gotta argue both sides).
From the parents’ perspective: my thought all along has been, if we’re gonna make a mistake here, why not make it on the side of life? If you truly believed Terri was a goner anyway, why not let the parents who loved her so much take care of her? Who was it hurting? (Okay, playing devil’s advocate here: it was hurting Terri’s dignity)
From the husband’s perspective: I hadn’t realized until recently how dedicated he was to Terri after the accident/heart attack (whatever the hell it was). From what I’ve read, he spent four years, side-by-side with Terri’s mother, taking care of his wife. I also read he went to nursing school in order to learn how best to meet her needs. That he flew her to a specialist for experimental brain implants. This was obviously a man who loved his wife. (I have a little problem with his delay in claiming she wouldn’t want to live in a “persistent vegetative state” but maybe it just took him that long to exhaust the possible “cures.”) In any event, if I’m to give Terri’s parents the benefit of the doubt, I have to give it to her husband as well. If he truly believed she wouldn’t have wanted to live that way, and if his subsequent actions were motivated by that belief, then I have to admire him for fighting so tirelessly on her behalf.
From Terri’s perspective: herein lies my problem. We’ll never know Terri’s perspective.
I haven’t signed a living will and I don’t know that I will. My gut says that sure, if my quality of life falls to such a level, pull the plug. But then the quality of life issue is a complicated one. How do we know our definition won’t change under altered circumstances?
People say, “I’d rather be dead than lose the use of my limbs.” Well, tell that to Christopher Reeve’s family; it might start a pretty thoughtful discourse.
People say, “I’d rather be dead than lose my mind to Alzheimer’s.” Well, who’s to say Alzheimer’s patients aren’t happy as clams? We’re not inside their minds. We don’t know. My aunt sits quietly at our family gatherings with the sweetest of smiles. Sure, it hurts us to know her spirit is gone, but who are we to judge what kind of quality of life she’s experiencing?
People with cancer often opt to forego treatment in order to live life to the fullest in the time they have left. Not my cousin, Bruce. He exhausted every experimental treatment then available for melanoma, even to the extent of living with his sternum removed. In return, he got a few extra years—just enough to take his little girl on her first trip to Disneyworld. Although he eventually lost the battle, I don’t think he (or his daughter) would trade those years of struggle for anything.
Pregnant women can have a procedure called amniocentesis to determine (among other things) whether their baby will be born with Down’s Syndrome. Some elect to have abortions when the test comes back positive. But, I know a young woman with Down’s Syndrome who's happier than most people on the planet.
The tragedy of Terri Schiavo is not that she died. All death is tragic. And we’ll never know if, after fifteen years, she wanted to go or stay. But of one thing I’m fairly certain: She wouldn’t have wanted the love her husband and family felt for her to grow like a cancer into a national feud.
And that’s the real tragedy.
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2 comments:
Wow, Randy, this was very insightful. You really articulated the situation. Thanks for sharing this.
Randy, nicely worded. I had a very similar experience with my late father in 1991. Back then, the terms "living will" or "health care proxy" were just that, terms. It was, then, as is in many states, Florida, in particular, where the spouse has rights in regards to care. (Although this could be debated and, likely, will for years.) My mother was too emotionally involved and she, at the same time, had a cardiac problem, herself....both parents at one time were in the intensive care unit...so I was made the person to make the decision. I, too, gave 7 years to my father. When, after heart surgeries, kidney failures, and other ailments, his legs had to be amputated and one arm, I said enough...So, with the help of the wonderful people of hospice, we had a "living wake" for my father...an experience that, to this day, will forever remain a daily inspiration. Not to dwell in this too much (and forgive me if I have) but I think that issues such as these should be with the family and no one else. Granted, life insurance companies, etc. would want a "living will" or, as we have in Massachusetts, a "heath care proxy."
But, when all current medical evidence points to no solution....the options remain scarce. It is unfortunate, in this instance, that there is such anger and hatred between parents and spouse. Now the arguments of her funeral will hit the headlines. How sad. Another personal private time.
I say keep it private and back it up in writing. (Then again, at 26 years old, the age Terri had this happen, who thinks of legal issues, etc.)
Let us move on, leave them at peace, I say, but have us not forget how such a personal issue, with lawyers and the beloved (also adulterous) Reverand, in a $750 suit, Jesse Jackson, became a spectacle. Now the Pope, I read, as of this writing, is near death. May the spirit of Terri rest in peace. From all I read about her condition, and I am sure will be supported by an autopsy that will silence critics (how unfortunate this has to be done too), that will prove her status, even though thirty other physicians offered medical advice...I understand the idea, Randy, of having the parents decide her fate, but her husband did have the rights...whether it was right or wrong. I had thought at her last moments, all could be in the room. Did not happen. They were told to leave and the husband, (forget his name) held her till she stopped breathing. I had thought, in her final moments of life, she could leave this Earth knowing her parents, family and husband could forgive and forget past hostilities and embrace the love she brought to them all. Guess not. Now back to the Jackson case.....
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