Necessity Is A Mutha

So I get home Monday night, pick up my phone and hear dead silence. I mean, not a hum, not a crackle. More like the ABSENCE of sound.

Grrr.

I do the thing. You know. The one where you unplug the cordless to make sure it's not the guilty party. I check the other phone.

Grrrrrr.

Half-heartedly, I disconnect the computer line.

Grrrrrrrrrr.


I dial 4-1-1 on my cell. Oops. That ain't gonna work, huh?

I call Ann to get Verizon's repair number. Proceed to spend the next ten minutes conversing with an inanimate object whose instructions begin with, "get a screwdriver." A screwdriver?? Okay, I have one. Somewhere. I go outside to locate a box marked "NID."

I don't have one.

Well, I MAY have one, but if I do, it's so old, it's pre-NID days. Hell, it's pre-Verizon days. All the boxes have GTE on 'em.

Oh, and by the way? That bolt thingy's gonna require something more sophisticated than a screwdriver. I'm thinking maybe a socket-wrench, and you can bet I don't own one of THOSE.

I give up, figuring even if I can pry the damn thing off, it's not like I'm gonna be able to make some MacGyver type repair. No, all I'm doing is adding information--like, the trouble isn't at the NID box that's not an NID box.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I capitulate and punch the numbers for scheduling an appointment. Inanimate-object-lady informs me that a repair person can be out on Wednesday (we're talking TWO days later) between eight and six. Oh, now that's handy, isn't it? I only have to give up an entire day of work?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

All I can say is: THANK GOD IT'S NOT THE CABLE.

So, last night I had a dinner engagement which means I didn't have to suffer too much in the internet withdrawal department because I got home at 8 o'clock (in time to see Paula unravel--what the hell was that?).

But this morning...man...I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I mean, here I was, at HOME on a work day. This has only happened ONCE in twenty-six years (blame jet lag and an extremely busy time partying, er, touring Atlanta back in 1989). Somehow the average Wednesday feels different from a Saturday, y'know?

My God, I got constructive! I put a load of laundry in the washing machine. I cleaned out some boxes (circa 2002) from my "office." I (gasp) finished writing my synopsis AND added a few pages to a short story.

Grrrrrrrryipppeeeee!

Of course, by ten o'clock, I already had a call from work--"you forgot quarterly taxes were due today. Come now!" So, I leave a post-it on the door. "If you need me, I can be home in ten minutes."

At three-fifteen, a human repair guy calls me at the office. All fixed, he reports. No need to access my house.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Well, okay. Not grrr exactly, because I'm actually thrilled. But man...if I'd have waited ALL DAY...

Hm....think of how much I could've gotten done!