Monday, August 15, 2005


Click here to check out Susan McBride’s August 14th post on The Lipstick Chronicles (including input by yours truly on the subject of dating).

Speaking of which…I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve already exhausted my allotment for the current century. I mean, it’s been two, er, years. Two and a half, to be precise, but who’s counting….

Okay, let's be honest; I’m a bit picky. Here’s what a guy has to have:

1. His teeth (preferably the original ones)

2. A job that doesn’t require the Karen Silkwood scrubdown when he gets home from work

3. Relatives that he actually speaks to and sees on occasion

4. Working knowledge of the female anatomy (and I’m not talking about readily visible parts, like boobs)

5. Modern transportation (don’t laugh; a friend of mine dated a guy who road a bike—as in bicycle) and while we’re at it, the description of said modern transportation should in no way incorporate the words “muscle,” “cherry,” or “souped up”

6. Suitable living accommodations; (no boarding houses, no “in between situations, can I crash at your place for awhile”)

7. The absence of psycho bitch leftovers who haven’t gotten over the way the bastard dumped them

8. Clothes purchased this millennium and from somewhere other than Target

9. Hands-on experience with plumbing, electricity, automobiles, carpentry, wallpapering, tiling, electronics, and cosmetic surgery

10. A vocabulary that contains phrases like: “Oh no, let me pay,” “you look so much younger/thinner/prettier than your friends,” and “I’m really into monogamy”

See? Not so demanding, after all. Makes me wonder why I haven’t found anyone lately.


Carol B. said...

Are you mental? LOL!
#4 requires instruction and too many women aren't into teaching. And #9? Dream on, sweetie. There's your problem. Choose 1-2 out of those hands-on requirements and you might have more luck.

John said...

I think you are looking for more than the obvious. Someone who floats your boat. Which means he could be crashing on your porch and you could be happy as a clam. You can't put guys into categories and pick based on tiling experience. It is more like what makes you throb inside. And no predetermined critera changes that.

I like Target. The stuff is functional, which for old guys, is more important than the label. And you can shop for jeans and DVDs in the same store.

Anonymous said...

LMAO! You're crazy.

I love the 'experience with cosmetic surgery' requirement!

One thing's for sure, when I see you next year at the convention, I'm going to make damn sure I'm not wearing anything from Target, and yes, I do shop there occasionally :)


randy said...

John--No, NO. An emphatic NO. No crashing on my porch. Been there, done that.

Pam--hey, Target's fine for us ladies, cuz we need quantity, not quality! Guys wear the same ol' thing day after day--they might as well pay more so it'll last. Okay, I know. I'm stereotyping. But, I'm old enough to feel comfortable lumping all men together. :)