Secrets

Love to hear them. Hate to keep them.

Especially when I feel manipulated by them.

Women know the score with secrets. They know if they tell a girlfriend something, she’s probably gonna tell someone else—she just has to. It’s practically the law. So when you disclose something to your best friend, you trust she’ll tell someone who doesn’t have a stake in the matter or, better yet, doesn’t know the people involved.

Thank God, most men don’t attempt to enter the world of secrets because they suck at the process.

First, they forget to swear you to secrecy until AFTER they’ve imparted the information. Or, and this is even worse, they give you hearsay info, then expect you to keep the confidence, which means you can’t even investigate the truth.

Of all the people they could pick to share a secret with, they tell the person who will 1) be hurt the most; 2) be most likely to tell the person who will be hurt; and/or 3) be most honor bound to reveal the secret, and in so doing achieve the result the man wanted in the first place.

Let’s not even discuss the man who divulges stuff to his girlfriend’s best friends (which is the cardinal sin of secret keeping, by the way). That man does not deserve to walk the earth.

By the way…let’s all meet in the quad at lunch and make fun of the new chemistry teacher, okay?