Hallmark Should Thank Me

The annual Christmas card ritual is so daunting, isn’t it?

This year I decided to give my writing hand a break (not to mention the eyesight of all those poor postal workers) by getting my computer to spit out address labels. First I had to figure out how to do it—an activity which involved a few well-chosen epithets sandwiched around trips to the MS Word paperclip guy.

Then I had to actually locate the addresses.

Um, I don’t really have an address book anymore. You see, once I finally got a decent cell phone and learned how to put the numbers in, I sorta let the address part of things go to hell. Now they’re scattered in a helter-skelter mishmash system across three address books, two computers, and various pieces of scratch paper wadded up and stuck in mysterious places.

Back when I had an extensive, well-kept, address book, I sent out a ton of Christmas cards…and I got a ton back. But, like I say, lately my info’s gotten a tad disorganized, so last year, I resorted to the FIFO method—first in, first out-- and guess what? I hardly got any at all. Turns out all these years, a heckuva lot of people only sent me a card ‘cuz I sent one to them.

That sucks.

So, this year, I decided to return to the old method of sending to everyone I know. Only problem is that unless a lot of these people have 5-year forwarding service, they may have a hard time getting their card. The mission, should I decide to accept it, is to figure out what’s most current. A tricky task since there’s no rhyme or reason as to what’s listed where in the aforementioned sources. Like, does Gini live in Yakima (as recorded in the little blue address book)? Or does she live in Spokane (as claimed by the black one)? Do I really need to send a card to that couple I met on a cruise in 1985?

The next dilemma is what to put on the card. Do I enclose one of those nauseating Christmas letters—yanno, like a bio listing my achievements for the year? (Ha. That’d be more like a note than a letter.)

Do I refer them to my blog? Happy Holidays—if you want the blow-by-blow, please point your browser to www.randywrites.blogspot.com. But do I really want Uncle Chuck to read about that guy who thought “I’d like to sweat all over you” was a great line?

I could always go with just signing my name, but I figure what with the 37 cents for postage plus the cost of the card, I should at least remind the recipient who I am. Yanno, in case they’ve forgotten and wanna send me a card.