Friday, December 02, 2005

You Won't Find This On Ebay

So, guess what I stumbled across in my desk today? Amid the business cards of people who may well be dead…tucked between credit cards bent in half…and buried beneath a ton of worthless pennies…

A cocktail napkin. Oh, not just any cocktail napkin. This one’s dated August 5, 1995—ten fricking’ years ago. Back when I was almost young. I can so picture us sitting on the patio of the Westlake Inn (now known as Bogie’s). No doubt I was wearing one of the ten basic black cocktail dresses I favored at the time. No doubt we’d had a few adult beverages, as evidenced by the topic of conversation that night, namely, who was most likely to get married next.

If memory serves (and it does), a heated argument ensued--mostly defensive in nature--as in…

“I’d bet my Lexus you’ll be married before me.”

“The hell, I will. I’m never getting married again.”

Yes, it was a scintillating conversation. Loaded with tales of connubial bliss and matrimonial inspiration. Kidding.

The upshot, after much debate, was that we agreed on the following odds (in order of likelihood) and recorded it on the napkin:

Sandy: 1-1/2 : 1 (backstory: divorced after 20+ years of marriage)
Paul: 2: 1 (backstory: divorced; prone to over-imbibing--making him not-so-attractive)
Me: 2-1/2 : 1 (backstory: never married)
Fidel: 3 : 1 (backstory: married once; divorced several years)
Jeff: 5 : 1 (backstory: married once? Twice?)
Joe: 10: 1 (backstory: married once; divorced several years)
Bob: 200 : 1 (backstory: married once—bitter divorce)

As a bonus, we all signed a promise that, should a wedding occur, it would take place at the Ritz Carlton Cancun, and we’d all show up. Then we had Cynthia, the cocktail waitress, sign as a witness, making the document legal and binding.

So…ten years have passed…shall we see how we did?

Well, first of all, some faded into the woodwork and lost touch. Including the “winner” who was…………Jeff. At 5:1, he’s the only one who took the plunge in the following ten years. And, last I heard, it didn’t “stick.”

Updates on the rest:

Sandy: Has dated the same guy for 10 years
Paul: When last heard from, Paul had cancer and the prognosis wasn’t good
Me: Well, if you’ve been following the bouncing ball, you know I’m still single—although about three months later, Joe and I got together for five years
Fidel: Has lived with Susan for 10 years
Joe: See above (currently single)
Bob: Currently single

Which puts to rest the rumor that divorced men are more apt to jump back into the frying pan, huh?

Okay, I’m off to dig through the rest of my desk in search of the SECOND napkin. That’s the one where Fidel promises to spring for the entire trip if he ever marries again. Might explain a lot to the long-suffering Susan.

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