Sloth Pays Off

Last night I was sitting in a bar with co-worker John and I found myself telling him my telephone story. This is the one where I’m so frigging lazy I don’t bother to take back the phone I “rented” in 1983. (Okay, maybe those of you who are infants don’t remember there was a time when you didn’t actually own your phone, so you’ll just have to trust me on this.) Anyway, time went by, technology changed, people started buying phones. I did, too. But I still had this one stupid princess phone that I never bothered to turn in. Somewhere along the line (1990? 1995?) I started getting letters asking me to return it so they could stop charging me five bucks a month. God knows I didn’t still use the thing, having graduated to the latest and greatest, but I was too lazy to figure out where I needed to take the phone back to.

Then in…2000?…I got a letter saying, never mind. Keep the phone. We’ll just stop charging you. Fine by me.

THEN in…2003?…I got a letter about some sorta class action suit. Now, I’m not a litigious person by nature. I didn’t even sue the guy whose dog took a chunk out of my leg when he KNEW the menace had bitten before yet let the mutt out off leash. Anyway, so not only am I not litigious, I’ve filled out those stupid class action forms before so I know they’re hardly worth the time and effort. Once I put together a claim package supporting $30,000 worth of Northwestern flights and received 12 $10 coupons towards future flights in return. Gee, thanks. (They promptly went in the trash.)

But, what the hell. I filled out the phone forms.

Okay, back to last night and my telling John this story. [Insert Twilight Zone theme here] When I arrived home and collected the mail, guess what was in it??????

A CHECK FROM THE PHONE COMPANY FOR $626.96!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, first…wow…do you believe the timing? And, second…do you believe the amount? Oh, sure…no doubt I, er, still slightly overpaid for the phone, but by my calculations that amounts to about ten years of phone rental. Plus, who knows how much the attorneys got?

I’m telling you. Sometimes laziness is like money in the bank.