Saturday Fly-By

Busy, busy, busy...getting ready for a quickie gambling trip, but couldn't leave without sharing this:

So in my latest efforts to solve the big connectivity issue, I tried Time Warner's on-line email support. Here now, for your growing amusement, is the communication which transpired. Best to read from the bottom up to get the full gist! (Please note, my response included the phrase: Did a HUMAN actually read this correspondence at ANY TIME WHATSOEVER??? I THINK NOT.)

Dear Randy (last name redacted)

Thank you for contacting Time Warner Cable Support.

What I understand is that you are facing connectivity issues with the
Internet services.

Randy, I do apologize for the inconvenience caused to you

I will try best to assist you.

Randy, I suggest that you contact Road Runner Technical chat Support
team on the lick below, as they would be glad to assist you. (Um, Road RUNNER??? Did they not notice I'm an EARTHLINK CUSTOMER???)

http://www.help.rr.com/HMSLogic/rrchat.aspx?poolname=TW-Austin

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to
E-mail us again or contact our Live Chat at the following link:
http://www.timewarnercable.com/CustomerService/chat/chat.ashx

We value you as a customer! (Yes, that's so obvious!!)

Sincerely,
Kyra Cooper (Kyra, do you really exist? As in, do you have flesh on your bones and stuff? Or, are you made up of circuit boards and chips?)

Time Warner Cable Online Customer Service

Customer support works 24/7. (Yes, this is sooooo convenient, thus far.)

You can now chat with us online at the following link:

Our team of knowledgeable online representatives are here to help you
with your service questions or issues.


http://www.timewarnercable.com/Localization/Corporate.ashx?tid=21&linkid
=11


Please include all previous correspondence in your reply.
Messages are not saved indefinitely after they are responded to.

Original Message Follows:
------------------------
My home phone is (redacted) I believe the new account number is
(redacted). I will be in and out most of the weekend, but will appreciate
any
help you can provide. I suspect the problem is some internal issue since
1)
the TW technicians were unable to make their own laptops work, and 2) a
person I know who's pretty conversant with setting up internet
connections
tried re-configuring my laptop and still, it didn't connect. FYI, when I

checked the connection status, it said speed: 100 but then above it was

stated "low or no connectivity"--I tried "repair" while connected via
dial-up, but it said it was unable to repair.

Randy

----- Original Message -----
From: "Syracuse (Support)" <syr.support@twcable.com>
To: <randyjean@earthlink.net>
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2008 5:10 AM
Subject: Re: Connectivity Issues (KMM251298I23L0KM)


> Dear Randy (redacted),
>
> Thank you for contacting Time Warner Cable Support.
>
> As pre your e-mail I understand that you have been facing technical
> issues with your internet connectivity from the time you upgraded your
> earthlink to TWC high speed cable, and you were unable to contact TWC
> via the phone.
>
> I certainly understand the frustration and inconvenience this has
caused
> to you.
>
> I will be happy to assist you with this.
>
> Randy,can you provide me with the 10-digit phone number and the
account
> number associated to your account, as I will have to escalated your
> issue to the respective department. It is a specialized and dedicated
> department for resolving such issues and will be in a better position
to
> help you.
>
> If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to
> E-mail us again or contact our Live Chat at the following link:
> http://www.timewarnercable.com/CustomerService/chat/chat.ashx
>
> Sincerely,
> Atkin Jones
>
> Time Warner Cable Online Customer Service
>
> We value you as a customer! (Whew! Glad to hear it! I was worried...)
>
> You can now chat with us online at the following link:
>
> Our team of knowledgeable online representatives are here to help you
> with your service questions or issues.
>
>
>
http://www.timewarnercable.com/Localization/Corporate.ashx?tid=21&linkid
> =11
>
> Our customer service is available 24X7
>
> Please include all previous correspondence in your reply.
> Messages are not saved indefinitely after they are responded to.
>
> Original Message Follows:
> ------------------------
> First Name:Randy
> Last Name:redacted
> > Email Reason:Connectivity Issues
> Statement of problem:I'm at my wit's end. TW technican came out a week
> ago, hooked up modem to upgrade earthlink to high speed via TW cable.
> Although I appear connected; technician unable to access web; his
> supervisor instructs him to tell me it's Earthlink's problem. Later, I
> call Earthlink--go through various diagnostics unsuccessfully.
Earthlink
> tells me it's TW's problem. I contact TW again and they send out two
> technician's on Friday. After two hours, technicians unable to make
> connection although computer still says connected. TW supervisor says
it
> must be Earthlink's fault. TW technician calls Earthlink. Still not
> successful. TW leaves. This week I contact Earthlink via live chat. Go
> through three different people, telling the same story again, until
the
> third person says he can't help me because connectivity problems are
the
> responsibility of TW. I call TW several times, punch in selections on
> the recording, and am told due to high volume of calls my call cannot
be
> answered at this time. Try later. Click. I'm at a loss as to what to
do,
> short of cancelling all my services in total. Any advice?
>
>
>
>

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Had to share this one...

Okay, so we get a notice that next time around, our quarterly sales tax return must be filed electronically.

Uh-oh. You see where this going already, right? Government...Internet...electronic transmissions....NEVER A GOOD COMBINATION.

Anyway, so I go to register for said event--in advance, no less! Immediately, I have a problem. I'm supposed to input an owner's name in order to bring up the appropriate company info. Hm. I try my dad's. I try my brother's. I try my own.

Nada.

I use initials. I use middle names. Yada, yada, yada...

Nothing.

Long story short, it turns out our company is so ancient our original seller's permit didn't require ownership information.

A light bulb must have gone on over at the old State Board of Equalization headquarters, for at about this time, I receive a form letter stating it's just occurred to them their database doesn't go back past 1999. (Minor detail, huh?) Anyway, they proceed to give me interim instructions to get on the database, then ask me to complete an attached form and mail it to the return address at the top of the letter.

Only, guess what? (You'll love this, I promise!). Here's the return address (typed verbatim):

State Board of Equalization
Local BOE Office
Address, City, State Zip
Telephone Number - Fax Number

Um...something tells me my form ain't gonna get anywhere with that address.

Meanwhile, I imagine the State employee responsible for this mix-up is out celebrating his or her promotion to the next pay grade. Whaddya wanna bet I'm right?

It Never Gets Old...

I received a contract for my nineteenth sale to True Romance the other day. Yippee! Like the title of this post says, it never gets old...nor does receiving the checks!

As always, these stories are based on true life--the name of this one is "My Deadbeat Brother Is Ruining My Life."

Ha ha...I told him not to take it personally.

Cable, Wherefore Art Thou?

First the good news.

1. Those Earthlink guys in New Delhi are exceedingly polite.

2. Time Warner technicians show up on time.

Okay, finito for the good news.

Let's recap, shall we? On Thursday, Time Warner sent Josh over to install my shiny new modem and to run cable up an outside wall into my upstairs office.

That went smoothly.

Okay, finito for smoothly.

Josh hooked up all the doo-hinkeys, made all the configuration setting adjustments, and the computer boasted proudly of its new speed.

Only one problem. Despite proclaiming its high-falutin' connection, I was unable to access the Internet, nor send and receive email. Minor problem, except that this is the sole purpose for having said connection.

Not to worry. Josh was on the case...only, after trying everything he could think of, he finally broke down and (shamefaced) called his supervisor who informed him that everything looked fine on Time Warner's end, concluding that my best bet (read: ONLY bet) was to contact Earthlink and tell them to "migrate" my account.

I threw up my hands and figured, later. I'd call them later.

Cut to later: long story short, the exceedingly polite New Delhi guy tells me that it HAS been migrated. As far as they're concerned, case closed. Earthlink has done its part. Now it's up to Time Warner...who agrees to send out another technician on Friday.

(Sigh. This story's becoming real tedious, huh?)

Anyway, two technicians show up on Friday (again, promptly!). After a couple hours, they gave up the ghost. Call Earthlink, they're told by their supervisor. To his credit, the Time Warner guy made the call, only to be run through the same diagnostics I've already tried. In the end, the two technicians left...and I still had no cable connection.

Yesterday (here's the finest moment thus far, really) I got on the phone again. Tried Time Warner first and, after punching in all the appropriate selections, got: "I'm sorry. We're experiencing an unusually high volume of calls. Please try again later." Click. (Gee, why am I not surprised about the high volume??)

Tried Earthlink again. Same thing. (And here I'd thought calling on a weekday was a brighter idea. NOT.)

Next, I gambled on a live chat with Earthlink. Polite New Delhi guy number one transferred me to Polite New Delhi guy number two who almost let me cancel the whole shebang until he realized the cable had already physically been installed and transferred me to Polite New Delhi guy number three...who...you guessed it...told me I had to contact Time Warner for connectivity issues.

So that, dear readers, is where things currently stand. Meanwhile, I'm using dial-up at the rate of $1 an hour to access the Internet. Can't WAIT to address the issue of nonpayment when Time Warner broaches the subject.

Only In California...

So on Saturday night, Blogreader Joe took me out for a long-delayed birthday dinner at the restaurant of my choice. Squee! I chose Mastro's cuz I love the ambience, the piano bar, and...well, duh...the food.

We were shown to a room in the back and given a table for two. Next to us was a table for six, three facing three, with a lone chair at the "head." If you're picturing this correctly, that lone chair is approximately 2 feet from where my plate will rest. (In a moment, this will become important.)

I ordered a glass of wine, and we perused the menu. Suddenly, I was distracted by movement nearby.

Yes, my eyes did not deceive me. The woman sitting next to me was feeding scraps of salad to a small dog sitting in the purse on the chair at the head of the table!

I mean, euw.

It's one thing to tote your dog along to dinner, but to feed him from the table??? Minutes later, a guy with a communication device in his ear (i.e., an official restaurant employee) stopped by to ask a few questions. Politely, I didn't listen, but I heard the woman say, "Check your computer. Just check your computer."

Official Restaurant Guy didn't return to the table, so I guess the computer must have said something like "party of six plus canine."

When the woman's steak came, she carefully cut it in doggie-size pieces and alternated with one bite for herself and one for the mutt. Midway through the meal, she picked him (or her) up out the purse and left the table, returning minutes later. One can only wonder what kind of business the two took care of in their absence.

Meanwhile, does it not surprise you to learn that the woman barely conversed with her tablemates? (As a matter of fact, they all looked pretty miserable to me.)

I have no explanation for the above except to hypothesize that what this woman lacks in looks she makes up for with bizarre behavior.

Playing Ping-Pong

So here's where we're at:

Time-Warner: "We've done our part. You need to call Earthlink."

Earthlink: "We've done our part. Call Time-Warner."

Time-Warner: "Call Earthlink."

Meanwhile, no Internet.

Are you surprised?

If You're Trying To Send Me An Email....

HA! SEE? This is what I'm talking about!

Mysteriously, when I arrived at work this morning, I was unable to log-in to view messages on Earthlink's web server.

A temporary glitch, I thought...until I WAS able to perform said operation on my company account.

Uh-oh.

I called Earthlink. Excuse me, to be more precise, I called Earthlink's representative in New Delhi. From what I gather (and, trust me, the guy could have been reciting the Hindu (?) alphabet for all I know), there's an issue (gee, what a surprise!) in transferring from my dial-up account to my shiny new DSL account with TIME-WARNER. Whatever. The bottom line was that after speaking with this gentleman, I was able to view my email.

Meanwhile, I recognized the urgency with which I should officially activate the new account, so I took a deep breath and phoned Time-Warner.

This was a relatively painless conversation if you don't count the shameless sales pitch to add my landline or the minutes of silence as she "looked up my account"--what was she doing, taking naps?? Anyway, got an appointment for the installation between 10 and 12 on Thursday (much better than Verizon's business practice of giving you the 8 to 6 routine, I might add.)

Only thing is...a couple hours later, I attempted to access my webmail again. Peachy--the log-in was successful...except that it showed NO EMAIL. As in, NONE of the email I've carefully saved over the past four years (let alone anything new). Okay, I didn't panic because I've got all important email information saved in Outlook Express on my desktop at home. If my past history gets wiped out in the transition, so be it.

But now I'm unable to log-in again.

And people wonder why I was afraid to mess with my ancient dial-up account??

Why The Stone Age Is Fine By Me

"Dial-up? You're on dial-up?"

Okay, so I got tired of the utter disbelief when, on occasion, I was forced to admit that yes...I had NOT advanced to the age of high speed Internet service. My reasons ran thusly:

1. Earthlink, my ISP, didn't have DSL available in my neighborhood.
2. I abhor the idea of giving my cable company and/or my phone company more money. As far as I'm concerned, they're already a rip-off. Besides, I wanted to keep my email address.

One day, about two years ago, Earthlink called me up, offering me high speed access. I spent a 1/2 hour on the phone, answering their questions. They ended the conversation with: "Okay, within 3 days, you should hear back from us, letting you know whether the service is available in your area." ????? I thought that was the reason for the call! Three days passed and I got a recorded message on my home voicemail: "Sorry. Not available yet." Hey, thanks for wasting my time.

Anyway, so you know the drill. About once every hour on the hour I get messages from all-of-the-above touting their new services. Bundle this, wrap that. Ad infinitum.

Finally, I broke down. Earthlink was advertising DSL specifically to my address! Yippee! I checked the website and YES! Available!

One small item held me back with which I'm sure you can all relate--no matter what you do, no matter how many precautions you take--SOMEHOW, the transition is never smooth, right? Whether it's the lack of hardware (um, do I have something called Ethernet?), or new software they make you install (why doesn't my desktop look like it used to?). Whatever. Something's gonna go wrong. You can rely on it.

Still...I figured, I'm relatively safe. I can always use the dial-up connection.

I pressed the purchase button.

Immediately, I get an email telling me Time Warner will be contacting me about setting up installation. Well, you can imagine how this news made my heart sink. Time Warner?? Ya mean here I avoided using my cable system all those years and now my new DSL is coming via...my cable system?

Not a good omen.

So, I admit...I procrastinated making the call. For weeks.

Then, Saturday night, I'm tooling along the information highway, all happy with my dial-up connection, and I hear the ping of an incoming email.

Hm. It's a warning from Earthlink. I've exceeded my 20-hour dial-up limit by 67 hours at the rate of an additional dollar per hour.

Groan.

Turns out....well, you get it. Now that I'm officially a "DSL customer," my dial-up is no longer limitless. Who knew? (Don't say it--I'm sure it's in the small print somewhere.)

Guess I'd better schedule that friggin' installation (which, by the way, I was supposed to be able perform myself).

I TOLD YA I liked the Stone Age better.

Guaranteed To Piss You Off

Or at least shake your head in dazed confusion. (Yes, just another bonus I offer faithful blogreaders.)

So...today I was browsing the FBO site. For the uninitiated, that stands for Federal Business Opportunities and it's where the government maintains a database of solicitation requests for items and services it intends to purchase. I was looking for a scheduled announcement regarding altitude chambers for a research wing of the Department of the Air Force.

Well.

On any given day, you can stumble over stuff to make your head spin. Here's the one that caused my Linda Blair moment this morning:

Solicitation HE1260-09-T-4000
Original synopsis pre-solicitation notice issued October 09, 2008 at 7:19p.m., modification issued same date at 7:41p.m. with the final solicitation issued 2:45a.m. on October 10, 2008.

Are you ready......???????????

The title is: CHEERLEADER CLINIC-YONGSAN, S. KOREA

Okay, deep breaths now....

Let's discuss.

First, the verbiage: "The Department of Defense Dependents Schools (DoDDS) Pacific intends to issue on a Full and Open Competition basis, Firm Fixed Price Purchase Order to procure a Cheerleading Clinic in Seoul, South Korean. The period of performance will be from 03 November 2008 through 07 November 2008. The contractor shall provide all labor, materials and supplies necessary to provide cheerleading training for approximately 120 participants. Specific details shall be included in the Request for Quote (RFQ) Number HE1260-09-T-4000 to be posted in the Federal Business Opportunities website on or about 10 October 208, to close 5 days...blah, blah, blah...

This is just wrong on so many levels, isn't it??

First...what the hell is the Department of Defense doing arranging for cheerleading clinics? Don't they have more important things to do...like, um, kill terrorists?

Second...Seriously? Korea? (Okay, I "get" that these girls are the daughters of men and women stationed in Korea. But still.)

Third...Full and Open competition? Is this a hot industry I should know about?

Finally, and most importantly, since when did it become necessary to conduct professionally designed clinics to teach young women the art of cheerleading? Oh, I'm not so old that I don't know this goes on in the states. My own great-niece began participating in them before she even reached her teen years. But I remember a time when the "older girls" handed down their routines to the "younger girls." No camp. No clinic. No per diem expenses in a town half-way across the state, let alone the country (or sea).

All I can say is: Sis-boom-BAH (humbug).

Another fine example of our (fast-dwindling) tax $$$$ at work.

Where I'm Stuck

These days, I have story structure clogging the otherwise normal functions of my cerebral cortex. Plotting methods ooze from my pores like cheap perfume on a humid day.

But I'm getting there. Sort of.

My spreadsheet overfloweth with scene ideas and chapter hooks.

So here's what's got me stumped: this new realization that the complications leading to crisis/climax at the end of Act II oughta be a direct consequence of character choices made in the initial attempt to deal with the problem coming out of Act I.

Okay, did that make sense? Or, did your head just explode?

A Minor Inconvenience

I headed out of the parking lot Monday afternoon, using my customary route to reach the freeway. As I approached the on-ramp, I noticed the signs barricading the entrance.

Damn.

I HATE when CalTrans screws with me.

Then I remembered...I knew the reason for the blocked entrance, and I shivered.

In 1970, serial killer Mack Ray Edwards confessed to burying one of his victims along the 23 Freeway which was then under construction. Edwards hung himself in prison, so he's long gone, and I don't know why it's taken all these years, but forensic experts are finally excavating a site where they believe they will find the remains of a sixteen-year old boy murdered forty years ago.

In the midst of these turbulent times--when politicians can't be trusted and CEOs are raping the economy--it's somehow comforting to know that local government is spending the money and taking the time to reach a resolution regarding this young man's death.

Even if their successful efforts mean nothing more than bringing closure to whatever family members are left forty years later.

How Eerie is This??

Time Out For A Rant

Let’s blame:

President Bush
The Republican Party
The Democratic Party
Congress
Wall Street
The CEO of every bank and investment firm
The mortgage brokers
The insurance companies

But...

God FORBID...

We should blame ourselves.

We, who seem to have lost our work ethic along the way, becoming instead a nation of people who feel entitled to make something from nothing.

House flippers. The kind who buy, sit, and sell. No tangible good produced there.

Day traders. Or, more accurately, gamblers. Fingers fly over computer keyboards, while nothing is actually produced.

Multi-level marketing. Make money off of signing up people to make money off of signing up other people. Oh, yeah. Lots of all-American production there.

No credit? No problem. Here’s your house.

No job? No problem. Here’s your house.

So what if the higher interest rate down the road makes the house unaffordable? We're talking RIGHT NOW. And RIGHT NOW, you want that house. Figure the rest out later.

Buy now, pay later. That’s why God created credit cards. When those bills become too burdensome, you can always walk away unscathed with a little think called bankruptcy.

And maybe, if you’re lucky, your neighbor’s dog’ll bite you. Instant $50,000 MINIMUM, and that’s without having to go to court. Or there’s always the local grocery store. They’re constantly leaving water in an aisle, perfect for the slipping...

Plenty of ways to fatten up the bank account without having to perform actual work.

And if everything goes to hell, well...there’s always the government. They’ll take care of you...won' they?

How many of you salivated when you read the email going around purporting that $700 billion could be spread out over 200 million American adults, giving us $450,000 a piece, which we would in turn spend on mortgages, college loans, and consumer goods? How many of you were already picturing that plasma screen TV on your wall??

Until someone emailed back and suggested you calculate the division problem...

Take some responsibility, people. Do a little work.

Twitter

Color me clueless.

And a jumper on bandwagons.

'Cuz, as you may have noticed, I've commenced tweeting. (Is that the proper lingo?)

As in, I'm on Twitter. All I know is that it seems to be the rage on blogs, and you're limited to 140 characters per "tweet" so how much time could I possibly waste on this new fad? Although I have to admit--I can't imagine anyone wanting to "follow me" as I make my way inanely through the day.

We'll see.

I can always delete, delete, delete.

Folks, It Certainly Can't Hurt....

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Like it says in the song...you are the wind beneath my wings!

Pure Brilliance

In case you haven't seen a version of this and were wondering just how the *F* we got into this mess...

It's Here!

See that book cover to the right? Yep, I'm finally holding a copy in my hot little hands! My short story, "Disappearing Act"--the true account of my efforts as a child to keep tabs on my dad on Christmas Eve so he wouldn't miss "Santa's" visit--appears on page 137.

Okay, if you're a friend or relative...or if I met you in an elevator one time...don't rush out to buy it because I probably already have a copy for you.

Dear Faceless Stranger...

I hope the money meant something to you. Like, you were able to run out and buy your little girl the doll she's been wanting that you couldn't afford cuz you lost your job. Or that it'll help you with the down payment on that apartment you need to rent cuz you're being foreclosed on.

Y'know. Something like that.

++++

Here's the deal. No one stole any money from me. (Not unless you count the stupid slot machine manufacturer whose FLAWED design cost me $350.)

Yes.

$350.

Sad, huh?

I was building up a bankroll, cutting into my losses of Friday night. Got it up to precisely Three Hundred Fifty Dollars and Two Cents. (Note the two cents--it's the CRUX of the problem).

I inserted the bet slip into a slot machine at the same time my friend Randi inserted hers into the one next to it.

Beep Beep Beep

Now, remember. I'm not exactly a rookie, here. The sound seemed to be emanating from Randi's machine, so I said: "I think it's trying to give you change."

The beeping stopped. We proceeded to spin. Within a minute, I decided to move on, and I hit the "cash out" button.

Took my slip.

Chose another machine maybe twenty steps away and inserted my slip. The credits registered only two cents. Fine, I think. My slip's jammed again (for the third time that day, as a matter of fact.) Calmly, called a slot attendant and filled her in.

She uses her key to open the front and informs me I didn't put a $350 slip in. Still calm (knowing there must be ways to prove it), I insist that I did.

"No, no," she says. "You never took the $350 from the previous machine."

Crap. I suddenly get it. It was MY machine doing the beeping. It was trying to tell me to take the TWO CENT slip.

Which meant....uh-huh. My $350 was still in the previous machine.

Only, of course, by now...it wasn't.

Security reported that the person who used the machine after me (probably sitting right next to Randi!!!) caught my unexpected windfall and cashed the entire ticket at another machine about ten minutes later.

What could I do? Obviously, there was no way the casino was gonna refund my money. And, yes, it's MY RESPONSIBILITY TO VERIFY THAT THE AMOUNT ON THE BET SLIP DISPENSED IS CORRECT. I get that. (Hell, I'd lost my glasses--wouldn't have been able to see the amount anyway.)

Still. Nine times out of ten, machines that feel this overriding urge to refund the money outside of nickel increments, automatically shoot out a bet slip. Some just add it to your bank, because after all, it's PAPER. Not like they're actually dispensing pennies, nickels and dimes....!!

Later, I met a guy at the bar who said the same thing happened to him once. According to him (I'm not sure I believed this), he got security to review the videotape and they tracked down the culprit in the casino. Gave him the option to pay the money back or never step foot in the casino again.

Sigh. Lesson learned.

The good news is, I got it all back the next day with some excellent bonus plays.

I Heart Excel

Let's call the latest writing project MM for short, shall we?

I'm in MM's plotting stage, so the other night I spread my Excel wings and took the whole process a step further. Fun!

Here's what I did:

In my new-found allegiance and dedication to (ahem) structure, I created four columns (get it? Four Acts? Four columns?) which can also be interpreted as three columns for you three-act aficionados. Supposedly, a rough breakdown works out to 25% for Act I (inciting incident), 50% for act II (complications, crises, etc.), and 25% for resolution. Obviously, those are only guidelines, not hard and fast rules. For a 400 page book, you don't wanna just be gettin' around to the inciting incident on page 100.

So I tweaked a bit. And did a lot of math. Figured out roughly how many chapters, scenes, and pages go into each of the columns. Then, I inserted skinny columns before each "act" corresponding to chapter numbers. (Let's pause to visualize how cool this is....okay, moving on.)

Now to start filling in boxes, which it may not surprise you to know, is the hard part. Then I remembered the trick I used to employ when I didn't know where the f I was going with something. Write to the hook! So, I started filling in chapter hooks.

Okay, I didn't get real far with that because I'm still feeling my way through the storyline. Still...it helped.

Meanwhile, I reminded myself how tricky this book is gonna be...and why I need all this plotting structure. See, I'm gonna create what I'm calling a "mirror story" consisting of flashbacks. Eek, no! Did she use the dreaded F-word? Not FLASHBACKS, for God's sakes! Hold your horses, we're not talking flashbacks in the sense of a tool to get backstory in. Nope. But if I told you anymore, I'd have to kill ya. Suffice to say, this is two stories for the price of one.

And they...CONNECT.

Or at least, they'd better.

So...hm...I browsed around Excel for previously undiscovered miracles which might be called upon for help. Voila! Hyperlinks! So UBER-cool!

I'm able to link from a scene in chapter one to its mirror scene on another sheet!

{Pause for applause--yes, I'm a genius.}

D'you suppose that somewhere, hidden in Excel's bountiful list of tools, I might also find something to actually write the story?

That'd be BONUS.

Must Blog! Must Blog!

At times, topics for this site elude me. Not today, thanks to Earthlink, and I just had to share.

Picture, if you will, my Earthlink homepage. Across the top, taking up the entire upper portion of the screen, is the usual dashboard BS and shopping links. About three quarters of the way down and centered, it says this:

• Inside Earthlink - Deposits at risk? Federal bank insurance fund dwindling

followed by this:

• Toilet-paper researchers create 3-ply tissue

Now, I ask you, does Earthlink have its priorities straight, or what?

Hm. In a way I see their point. When you think about what's going on in our economy, this nation's population could probably use some industrial-strength TP.

Alive At Fifty-Five

'Nuff said, doncha think?

P.S. To those of you who thought that was ME wheeling around the doggie (yes, I'm speaking to YOU, Hal!), think again--it's gambling partner Ann (better known as the Senora). I'm poochless, remember? (Besides, how could I push MYSELF around in a stroller?? Huh????)

Turning 55

Technically speaking, that’s where I’m at today. Turning 55. Tomorrow, I won’t be able to write that because I will have already turned.

I googled “turning 55” to see what wonderful things I can expect.

The first hit offered all kinds of uplifting BS like “knowledge is power.” Huh? That’s all? What about that Senior Citizen’s discount at Denny’s? They haven’t upped the minimum, have they?

The second hit came from a guy looking for adult-oriented living communities. Um, I don’t think I’m quite there. Yet.

The next hit was titled “Turning 55 and Invisible.” Are you getting’ the picture that my approaching age is not a GOOD thing?

How ‘bout the blogger who reported having had his first heart attack after “turning 55.” Yeah, that’s the kinda news I wanna hear.

Next I spied David Letterman’s Top Ten List. Finally, I thought. Surely, good for a chuckle. Wrong. It consists of number ten (“There is nothing good about turning 55”) followed by blanks after 9 through 1. If you don’t believe me, click here.

So pathetic.

At least when I turn 64, I'll have that annoying song to look forward to.

Move Over, Cubby! ! !

Next week is my 55th birthday, and your mommy's gonna have to wheel me around, too.

Some Notes On Hindsight

Yes, hindsight affords 20-20 vision, or close to it. But in terms of historical events, even seven years doesn't begin to bring into focus the magnitude of how September 11, 2001 changed the world.

And so I love that on each anniversary, MSNBC winds back the tape and replays in real time, The Today Show as it aired that fateful day. So somone like me--hardly a scholar--can watch and observe once again--this time with full knowledge of what was to come--and appreciate the way the anchors narrated the story for us all.

As always, I'm struck at once by the initial naivete. A small plane has hit one of the World Trade Center Buildings. An accident. Surely an accident. Yet, one can plainly see that the skies above Manhattan that day are crystal clear and cloudless. Whether it's hindsight or design, in watching the tape, I now sense an underlying caution in Matt and Katy's voices. Even as they question eyewitnesses, it's almost like they're pleading for the callers to report the plane as having been a small, private aircraft. Like their own belief systems will not allow them to accept the alternative.

The second plane hits, and the tape offers a reporter suggesting possible problems with air traffic control. I've always wondered if she now cringes at having been caught uttering what was obviously an outlandish proposition.

Again, the crystal clear skies.

Matt and Katy now refer to an "attack on the Twin Towers" and Andrea Mitchell first mentions the name Osama bin Laden.

Meanwhile, the towers continue to burn. In hindsight, it's hard to believe I never dreamed they'd go down. How could they not? But at the time I remember thinking that the NYFD had one helluva fire to put out. Well, two. But it didn't occur to me that those fires could only be extinguished in one inevitable way.

If you watch the tape, the collapse of the first tower is almost a non-event. Tom Brokaw is discussing something entirely separate (maybe the Pentagon attack? I've forgotten), and it's Matt Lauer who's paying attention. He asks for the tape to be "re-racked" and you get a sense that he's trying (albeit calmly, without undue alarm) to make Tom and Katie realize that something awful has just happened. At first he says only that a chunk of the building appears to have fallen away. And yet, as you watch the replay, how can you not conclude that the entire building has imploded? Is it hindsight at work again?

Talk turns to reports of hijackings. I think it's Brokaw who hypothesizes that perhaps the pilots have been made to fly into the buildings. In a phone conversation with Blogreader Joe that morning, I recall suggesting the terrorists themselves could have done the piloting. Little did I know.

Hindsight?

Of the three anchors, it's Matt Lauer who keeps returning us to the reality of the human toll. He's the one who keeps reminding us of how many people worked in the buildings, of how many responders were likely caught in the collapse as well.

Alas, like that morning seven years ago, I switch off the TV and drive to work--for me, a day just like any other day.














Trinity Church, near Ground Zero, taken January 2002

Ah, Youth

This, in case you can't tell, is the photo album I put together for each of my old (and I do mean OLD) girlfriends. It's approximately 30 pages and leather-bound. Pretty cool, huh?

Here's the deal. First, you download the software from Picaboo for free. It then provides various layouts, corner choices, page colors, cover options, etc. The hardest part is choosing the photographs and getting them assembled onto the computer. For this project, I used a lot of older photos I had to scan. Somewhere in the process, I decided to convert everything to black and white which was simple for the scanned ones, but took an extra step with stuff I already had in digital (I used Picasa for the conversion). Anyway, in the end, after getting everything the way you want, you click on "buy book" and voila! It ships to you within a week.

Okay, now here's the sad part, so beware: spending hours hovering over old pictures is like a trip back in time to your youth. When you re-surface, look in the mirror and see NO RESEMBLANCE to that person in the photos, you MAY wanna abandon the entire project.

You MUST persevere, though.

Otherwise, you might as well toss out all those musty photographs you've been meaning to organize some day, and that would kinda be a crime, wouldn't it??

Click HERE to view the entire album.

A Case Of Wine And Thou

Ouch.

Didja notice the title of this post?? A CASE of wine. That, according to our hostess, Kathleen, is what the four of us went through between 3p.m. on Saturday and 3:30a.m. Sunday morning.

Okay, give us a wee break. Turns out (after much blog archive searching for evidence), we haven't seen much of each other in the past two years.

Still...12 bottles of wine?? Is that even POSSIBLE?? (Wait a minute. Hold on. Kath's nephew showed up for a couple of hours--surely, he's responsible for a bottle or two...? Maybe he managed to shove a couple in his back pockets before leaving...?)

Anyway, a great time was had by all, yada yada. I gave them each a photo album I made, which you may view on-line by clicking here.

Sad, sad, proof that some of us (and by that I mean, ME) have definitely seen better days. And if you think I'm gonna post any of the photos taken this weekend, think again!

Writing Stuff

Contrary to recent posts, Randy DOES continue to write romance. Currently, I'm hacking away at a manuscript for which the full has been requested by an agent.

So, that's something, right?

Meanwhile, partials of various manuscripts remain in slush piles all across Manhattan. My favorite is the partial that's been "with an editor" for nearly two years. (Yep, no typo there. TWO YEARS.) Another one--this an actual REQUEST--is going on ten months. Suffice to say, there are others that I suspect are lost forever with no response, despite the SASE provided. Ditto for a couple of short stories submitted twice (not to True Romance, by the way).

In the department of new writing, well...I'm trying an approach which I think can best be summed up as "letting the story come to me" instead of forcing it. When I first began this journey of questionable wisdom, it seemed prudent to have a second manuscript ready in the event the first one garnered significant interest. So I feverishly went about completing Stealing Amy (and then sold down the river to an epub). Then I wrote Leftovers. These days, I'm not in the same kind of hurry. As a result, after completing Lights! Camera! Love! back in February (March?), I didn't rush to start something new. Did a lot of research, though. Sketched out some characters and snippets of ideas. Conjured up a few possible plot lines. Tossed them out to my critique partners who came back with all kinds of help.

Still, the story didn't take shape--it didn't fit the nebulous vision in my brain.

So I waited.

Yesterday, I admitted to myself that I've been avoiding the structure the book absolutely MUST have if I'm to succeed at what I set out to achieve. Truthfully, I'm not sure I have the chops to pull it off, but I have to try.

The cool thing is that I get a little tingle in my writing fingers when I think about rising to the challenge.

Wish me luck!

Book Buzz Blog

Today's post comes courtesy of writing friend Carol Burnside who tagged me with the following:

Rules:
I am going to list three categories of books: 5 MUST Read Books, 5 Books on Your Nightstand, and 5 Look For These Soon. Anyone I tag should put these same lists on their blog but SUBTRACT one book from each list and ADD one of their own. Then they should tag at least 5 more bloggers. It will be fun to see how the lists change as it goes around the blogosphere. Since this is Book Buzz…please keep your lists to titles released in 2007-2009.

At first I didn't read the rules carefully enough. I thought I had to come up with five in each category...SCARY since, truth be told, I don't read NEARLY enough. However, now that I've re-read Carol's post, I'm fairly confident I can add one to each. Hm. I'm guessing I subtract the number one entry and add mine to the end, so that's what I'll do.

5 MUST Read Books:
1. Kushiel’s Mercy by Jacqueline Carey
2. A Mile in My Flip-Flops by Melody Carlson
3. Lover Unbound by J.R. Ward
4. What Mattered Most by Linda Winfree
5. Story by Robert McKee

5 Books on the Nightstand:

1. Nick's New Heart by Susan May
2. Crazy in Love by Lani Diane Rich
3. Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey
4. From Harvey River by Lorna Goodison
5. The Survivor's Club by Lisa Gardner

5 Look For These Soon:

1. Evernight by Claudia Gray
2. Just One of the Guys by Kristan Higgins
3. The Black Dagger Brotherhood by J.R. Ward
4. Truth and Consequences by Linda Winfree
5. Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella

Okay, now I'm supposed to tag 5 bloggers...except I barely know one. How can that be???

Random Vegas Pictures

The above is a cool window in the shower, convenient for view-gazing while sudsing up.














I'm thinkin' this palm tree was transplanted from New Orleans via some kinda FEMA relocation program.

Night life along the strip as we crawl through typical Saturday night traffic.

What Happens In Vegas...

...stays in Vegas. And when NOTHING happens in Vegas, you upload a picture.

Paging Dr. Kildare!

On Thursday night, I ended up slaving away at work until 11 p.m. (I know! Shocking!) Naturally, I hadn't packed for Vegas yet, so I finally hit the sack around 1 or so...and, suddenly, from across the room, I hear a b-r-r-ring (y'know, like when a text message arrives?). Hm, I think. WHO could be texting me at this ungodly hour??

So I get up to check.

And here is what I found:
















Yep. And the caption read: "Marty in ER."

Furious texting ensued. Bottom line: we're politely referring to this episode as a "gastrointestinal problem."

And he's fine. Outta the ER by 3 a.m. and in Vegas by 2 that afternoon.

Which is where I'm posting this from. (Hey, you thought a little eight-hour trip to the ER was gonna interfere with a gambling soujourn? Think again.)

Stop! Thief!

As a public service, I offer this ALL POINTS BULLETIN:

Description: Long, lazy days
Wearing: Mild afternoons and cool nights
Alias: Goes by the name of Summer
Last seen around the middle of June

Anyone with information on where Summer's gone should contact local authorities.

Cheap Humor, Cheap Shots

I wish I had the time to explore this topic in a cogent, enlightening, way...but, hey--I'm here at the day job, and it pays the bills, so I'm doing this on the fly. And the only reason I bring it up is because a) I finished reading my manuscript "Lights! Camera! Love!" last night, and b) well, it's a political year, ain't it?

Lots of humor on TV relies on sarcasm. For instance, when's the last time an adolescent on a sitcom was portrayed as anything but a snarky brat, quick with the snappy one-liners designed to thoroughly ridicule his/her mom or dad? Nice. Such a sure-fire mechanism to draw the yucks. And we wonder why kids grow up without learning the first thing about respect.

Which brings me to the current state of politics. Isn't there any other way to drive home a point than to use sarcasm? Are we as a nation so desensitized, that the only way we "get" something is if it's couched in sarcasm? And I'm not just talking politicians, although gee--wouldn't it be cool if they led by example? And I'm not talking one party vs. the other--they're both guilty.

But when it's the anchormen engaging in tit-for-tat...geez, I'm getting so bored.

The same holds true in romance writing. Bickering doesn't equal conflict--at least to me--and, it's not amusing. After reading my manuscript last night, I'm supremely satisfied that the conflict and humor derive from clever turns of phrases and unusual word usage--not from two people trying to verbally lay each other low.

Hm. For a post on humor, this ain't too funny, eh? I guess for additional entertainment, I could point you to the youtube videos that prompted this post, but then I'd be contributing to precisely what I wish would go away.

The Last One, I Promise!

Can't help it. One more....the proud parents, Brian and Julie-Ann, plus their new little one, Paige.

Paige Is Here! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Welcome to the world, Paige! Can't wait to meet you in person!

A Golden Freebie

If you read between the lines of my posts regarding the giveaways at National, you probably "get" that I'm usually a little less-than-thrilled. Don't get me wrong. It's not anyone's fault that most of the books just aren't a genre I care about, and I'm sure they each have merit. Still, in the last couple years, I've been disappointed by the contemporary offerings.

Until San Francisco.

Yippee! At the second lunch, we scored a copy of Skinny Dipping by Connie Brockway, and I finished reading it this week. LOVED IT.

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I admit the setting gripped me from the start. I mean, hello! A lake in Minnesota--cousin Lindsay, are you paying attention?? And the heroine wasn't some mindless 23-year old, she was a mature 41. The bonus? She was of Norwegian descent, just like me!

I instantly fell in love with the supporting cast of characters, and who wouldn't? There's the brainy-but-awkward Prescott who also happens to be the hero's adult son. There's the hero himself--a guy whose backstory Brockway handles with such finesse, she left me in awe. Even the three adopted canines had more character depth than I see in a lot of books.

Funny and poignant--Skinny Dipping weaves together an intricate web of plot threads designed to remind us how enriched our lives are when we preserve fragile familial links from generation to generation.

At least that's what it meant to me.

Okay, stop reading blogs and go pick up a copy of Skinny Dipping by Connie Brockway.

A Nugget From National

Now it can be told. The secret is out.

According to bestselling author Joan Johnston, one of the ways to write an unputdownable novel is to...(wait for it)...write short chapters!

Well...gee...I've been doing that all along, haven't I?? Even in the face of countless blogs and how-to books that said chapters *should* consist of approximately 3 scenes and be about 15 pages.

Not mine, I thought rebelliously. 'Cuz when it comes to my own reading experience, how often do I flip to the end of a chapter to see how many pages are left? (Translation: do I keep going? Or do I go ahead and put the book down mid-chapter? Well, you see where that leads...long chapters = a tendency to put the book aside before you've gotten to the hook that'll keep you reading.)

And let's face it, between cable TV, video games, surfing the web--oh, and (for some) feeding the rugrats--who needs a saga which appears to require huge chunks of time? Breaking it down into smaller doses is much less daunting.

I don't have my notes in front of me, but Joan spoke of books with (eek)
upwards of eighty--ninety chapters. Okay, for me that's going a teensy bit too far.

Still...I'm lovin' the new-found freedom of writing whatever damn-length chapters I choose. Y'know, now that I've got the seal of approval from the likes of Joan Johnston.

From The Vaults

In typical true schizo fashion, I'm having a helluva time starting a new book. As in, writing one, of course. First, it turns out that having a great title doesn't necessarily spark an idea from an ember to a full-fledged fire, er, book. Second, having a great premise...well, ditto. As my nephew would say: "Frat boys find themselves holed up in ocean front mansion...high-jinx ensue." It's the high jinx ensue part that has me stymied on both story ideas.

Meanwhile, I was browsing around my computer and stumbled on a file from a couple years ago. Guess what? It's 150 pages worth of not bad. Great title, great premise...and, hey! Promising high-jinx!

Hence the latest plan. Complete unfinished book from--what? 3? 4 years ago??--while still mentally plotting other options to get ready for NaNo in November.

Let the high jinx begin!

Color Me Californian

So last night, upstairs in my bedroom, I'm watching women's gymnastics "live" (yeah, right--thanks, NBC), and I see a flash of light outside the window.

Damn neighbors, I think.

They're always tinkering with boats, motorcycles, cars--you name it--and at all hours of the night. Must be doing test drives, hanging U-eys in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

I continue watching amazing feats on the uneven bars.

Over the next hour, I see the flash of light several more times. Finally, I decide it's NOT the neighbors--it's the street lamp with a short. I even get up to peek out the window for investigation. Hm. Strong, steady, beam.

At one-twenty, I switch off the TV, exhausted from my contribution--clenched jaw, taut muscles, adrenaline-laced heart--to winning the all-around gold. (Yay, me!)

Another flash of light.

And um...what's that....? THUNDER?

Oh.

I get it now.

Must-See Blog Reading

First thing in the morning, after my computer powers up, I have a ritual. All of you probably do. Mine is:

1) Check stock prices on homepage
2) Check headlines to the right on homepage
3) Go to webmail; check personal email
4) Go to company webmail, delete all the spam, then click on Outlook Express to open mail for real.
5) While mail is downloading, check The Drudge Report
6) And finally, my must-read blogs:

In no particular order (and for various reasons!):

Author Diana Peterfreund
Author Kwana Jackson
Agent Kristin Nelson
Agent Janet Reid
Agent Nathan Bransford
Agent Janet Reid's Query Shark
Bookends Literary
Not Yet A Wino
Manic Mommy
Reagan 'Round the World

Now some of those are easy to explain--the writerly ones, if you will. Then there's Not Yet A Wino--I just love the way this chick expresses herself. Quirky, honest, and so ME back when I was in my thirties (hell, maybe even now). Which, you might note is quite the opposite when it comes to Manic Mommy--I mean, we have NOTHING in common, but she cracks me up all the same. That last one--Reagan 'Round the World--is the blog of my cousin's daughter, and she's literally doing a whirlwind gig this summer as part of her law school studies.

Anyway, LONG story SHORT, I have a new AUTO read! Yes folks, I now turn your attention to my latest discovery (and I wish I could give credit where it's due, but I don't know who led me to this little nugget).......CAKEWRECKS! Ahhhh, don't you just LOVE the blogosphere? Totally useless information at your fingertips! This particular site is maintained by a witty writer whose public service is to provide insight into professional cake decorating screw-ups. Who KNEW there'd be enough material for daily postings?? But, yes! Turns out there is!

So, go check it out...and if you're too lazy, the next time you order that cake from Costco and it comes back with something like "Happy Birthday Randy In Green And Yellow" written on it, don't say I didn't warn you!

Confessions of a Slot Slut

Oooh! Sounds like a good title for a True Romance story, doesn't it? Speaking of True Romance (hey, what a segue), check it out.

On Saturday, I was up at my stomping grounds (better known as the Chumash Casino) where I spent some quality time with the True Romance slot machine (pictured above). Yes folks, instead of cherries and bars, what you want here are lots of roses and half-naked lovers (well, who doesn't?) Slipping into master spy mode, I snapped these pix with my cell phone.

I always spend a little quality time with this machine, thinking Fate has something in store for me...alas, so far, no big win.

A more lucrative stop happened later at the 3-card poker table where I hit a straight flush. Cha-ching!

Saving The Best For Last

It’s a tradition.

Find a tall building in the conference city—one with a lounge and killer views. This year, our very own hotel filled the order, maximizing our ooh-and-ah experience on numerous occasions. I only hope the photos do justice to the awesomeness known as “The View” on the 39th floor of the downtown San Francisco Marriott.

Cool Party!

As the interview coordinator for Romance Junkies, my friend Brooke received an invitation to the Bantam-Dell soiree, held this year at The Water Bar--an uber-chic place to "hang" in San Francisco!














Okay, prepare yourself. You're about to O.D. on Bay Bridge photos. Forgive me. I couldn't help it. At least I'll spare you the artsy one I took of it reflecting back from the window...



Anyway, we had a blast talking to old conference friends like agent Lucienne Diver and author Larissa Ione. Plus we made the acquaintance of agent Laurie McLean who gave us a thrill when she dashed to her car for business cards! And we met Lucienne's fascinating client, author Sarah Hoyt.

Alas, the party came to an end. Picture Brooke and I standing at the curb, taxis whizzing past. Brooke turns to a group behind us and (only half-joking) says: "Any of you from New York?" A woman breaks from the pack, steps into the street, and hails us a cab. As we climb in, one of the pack yells, "Hey, did you know a literary agent just got you a taxi?"

Okay. A literary agent got us a taxi...it's a start, huh? Next, a contract!

If only we knew the identity of our mysterious benefactor!

More Pics and Fun Times

I have to admit that in my old age, I've developed anti-photo-itis. Meaning, I'm not quick to act when it comes to pictures in which I might have to appear. Consequently, I forget to take pix of others as well. However, I did manage to click a couple here and there. Here are Jacqui Jacoby and Ann Marie Becker.














Next we have the mysterious disappearance of fabulous author and all-around great friend, Janet Mullaney. Those long signings are hell on the bladder, eh Janet?














Oh! She's back! Cool!













Here's the annual group photo of the "Acme Girls" with an honorary member or two. From L to R: TWO-TIME Golden Heart Finalist Kelly Ann Riley, Brooke Wills, Stacy (?), Jacqui Jacoby, ME, and Anna (?). Geez, I really should get better about last names, huh?














And finally, authors Dawn McClure and Maureen Child who asked me to take this picture since they didn't have a working camera! (And yes, I kept myself organized enough to find Dawn's business card stuffed in my purse, so I've already dutifully sent this off.)














See? That's it for the people pictures. Oh, sure I took SEVERAL at the Chick Lit chapter party, but alas I screwed up a camera setting and they all came out blurry. Oh, wait. Maybe blurry is accurate! There was a lot of free-flowing wine and, um, those pomegranite martinis...well...

Tomorrow some FABU photos of scenery taken at the Bantam-Dell Party.

The City

Ah...San Francisco...how could I have forgotten its charm? Over 20 years have passed since I last viewed the Golden Gate...the Bay Bridge...Simply tragic!













And let's not even DISCUSS the weather! I mean, who walks around in 60 degrees worth of heaven during the Summer?? (Answer: San Franciscans, of course.)















We joined them on Wednesday. Took a leisurely stroll down Market all the way to the Ferry Building (pictured below).













Then made our way down to Pier 39 where we enjoyed lunch and cocktails overlooking the bay...














and contemplated coming back as sea lions in our next life.

In Case You Were Wondering...

...what the RWA literacy signing is like, here's a snippet.

Conference Critique—The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

The shuttle from the airport worked out well, except I had a hard time finding it, but once I did, it was cool. They had my reservation and even though I’d arrived several hours after “my appointment,” I got on one right away. As usual, several other passengers were headed for the Marriott, so I immediately slipped into conference mode. Strangely, I find that those new faces you meet on the shuttle somehow never again show up during your conference experience! Weird.

Hotel check-in was quick, easy, and painless. The room was nice except unlike other conference hotels, I didn’t have any view whatsoever. And the desk was kinda too high. I would have blogged more from the conference, but typing on my laptop was a pain.

The Marriott’s location was superior! Just steps in any direction, you could find a Rite-Aid to replace the glasses you somehow lost at the Chick Lit party, or a cafe to grab a quick meal. And, of course, BART was just a convenient block away, so you could get lots of places from there (including the Indian casino across the bay in Richmond, FYI).

My only gripe about the hotel involves aspects of its layout. First, the lobby bar was kinda dark and closed-in (as opposed to, say, the open, spacious bar in Dallas). The workshop areas were spread out over several floors, and MANY rooms were too small. I had to walk out of a couple “must-sees” on my list because I didn’t wanna stand (or sit on the floor) for two hours. And because of the aforementioned several floors thing, there was less opportunity for running into people for a quick chat. Then there was the problem of chairs being attached to each other. I understand that makes for a more orderly appearance, but people were WAY too squished together.

Speaking of the workshops…okay, I KNOW a lot of authors, agents, and editors aren’t professional speakers, but…well, let’s just say, it’s truly hit or miss on the workshops. I thoroughly enjoyed Blake Snyder, and a couple of others, but let’s leave it at that.

Oh, wait. One more gripe about the hotel. Oops. Make it two. Out of the seven conferences I’ve been to, the food at this one had to be the worst. And, geez…the price of drinks??? The tab for one round of two vodka tonics varied from $20 to $25. Ouch.

Now, the bar on the 39^th floor had the extra added attraction of its incomparable view. Worth the price of drinks, as a matter of fact. But often very crowded and noisy (they really didn’t need to pipe in the booming nightclub music).

As far as organization-type issues, RWA nailed it this year. Registration went quickly, and most events seemed seamlessly smooth. As y’all know, I didn’t pitch, so I have no idea how that worked out, but I didn’t hear any complaints. The awards show was a hoot, and Suzanne Brockmann was a GREAT emcee.

A new wrinkle in the schedule. The AGM was in the morning, followed by the PAN and PRO retreats and other workshops in the afternoon. Have to say I prefer the reverse cuz it kinda leaves an afternoon free. Also, there was no welcome reception. I wouldn’t have thought I’d miss it, but I did—and I spoke to several others who echoed the same sentiment. After all, it’s the one time you can truly mix and mingle in a relaxed setting.

I’m sure I’ll think of other stuff to say about the conference—y’know, as my brain clears—but for now, I think I’ve hit the highlights. Tomorrow I'll post some pictures.

All in all, it was a great conference in a gorgeous city, and I can’t wait for D.C.!!!!!!

FYI

Here are the freebies we got in our registration bags and at lunch.

The Undead Next Door by Kerrelyn Sparks
Slave by Cheryl Brooks (from teh Cat Star Chronicles)
No One Heard Her Scream by Jordan Dane
Silent In the Sanctuary--A Lady Julia Gray Mystery--by Deanna Raybourn
What a Lady Wants by Victoria Alexander (Keynote Speaker)
A Little Bit Wicked by Victoria Alexander
Dark Needs at Night's Edge by Kresley Cole
Night Keepers by Jessica Anderson
Skinny Dipping by Connie Brockway

Are you gettin' the picture here??? Only one in the sub-genre I write in.

Yikes.

What, me worry?

As promised, this is the anti-pitch conference, and lemme tell ya, I don't miss it a bit! That's why I had this photo taken of me in front of the sign that would normally send shivers down my spine. All morning long, I watched attendees lining up nearby, apprehensively waiting for that signal that their ten minutes was about to begin. But pas moi! No stress here! This is the anti-pitch zone!

And yes, it's a horrible, horrible picture...my eyes are slits, and is it my imagination or does it look like I'm missing a tooth?? Suffice to say, the blame lies entirely on my cell phone camera. I'm confident I look MUCH better in person.

At least that's what I keep telling myself...